Two weeks ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower from a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She had moved to another state but had recently moved back and was now hosting her baby shower here. I was thrilled—I’d missed her and couldn’t wait to reconnect.
She created a group chat with all the mutual friends she was inviting and explained that the event would be a small, quick gathering since she had only just discovered she was pregnant at 35 weeks. Her induction was already scheduled for her 37th week, so everything was happening in a rush.
We all began volunteering to handle different aspects of the baby shower.
I offered to cook Filipino food and contribute some money toward the decorations. I sent my share to the friend in charge of décor and asked the mom-to-be how many guests she was expecting besides those of us in the group chat. She told me fifteen.
There were ten of us in the group, so I decided to cook for around fifty people—just to be safe in case she invited a few extra guests. I started shopping for ingredients and prepping everything ahead of time. I also coordinated with the friend handling the decorations.
Together, we figured out where to set up the food and grazing table and shared our plan with the mom-to-be, who approved it.
Before the shower, I spent the entire day cooking. I even took a day off work—though I only work part-time—since I’m the primary caretaker of my baby while my partner works full-time.
I arranged for my mother-in-law to watch my baby so I could focus on cooking and later attend the event. I didn’t want to bring my baby because I knew I’d be busy with catering duties. Luckily, my mother-in-law happened to be off work during those days and agreed to help.
Then, the night before the baby shower, I got a message from the mom-to-be. She said she had to “make some hard decisions” and would have to uninvite me—but she still “wanted” me to drop off the food.
I replied that I understood and respected her decision, but I wouldn’t be dropping off the food.
She asked me why, and I explained that it didn’t make sense for me to drive seventy-five minutes to deliver food to an event I was no longer welcome at. The only reason I volunteered in the first place was because I was invited.